the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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