I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
