were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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