i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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