oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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