Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
