I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
