2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
