D3 body, D1 cock
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Pants are for mortals
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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