if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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