last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
