Three words: puerto rican gang bang
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
