Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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