Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
