Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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