at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
