Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
