Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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