am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
