Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
