She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize