I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
