But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Found your dick twin last night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
