Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
my liver is dry heaving
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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