Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
