ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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