Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
