He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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