i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
