I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
