maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
