so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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