I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
