matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
