were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
