Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
