You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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