Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
