I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
