I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
