How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
