I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We are two peas in an std pod
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
