I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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