my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
