The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
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