I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
