you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
