how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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