Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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