Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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