She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
