no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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