If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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