My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
