I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
