So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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