So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
