At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
