Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
