I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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