But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
