never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
