Are we in a gay sports bar?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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