yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
