Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
