??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
