Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
