I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
