I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
