I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
