I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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